Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Suburban Girl Dispelling Urban Myths

After finding a disturbingly accurate description of myself under one of the entries for “Allie” on Urban Dictionary, I recently made it a habit to use the website to look up all of my friends’ names. When I just about ran out of people’s names to enter, I extended my searches to places. Though some of the passages portraying my hometown of Colts Neck are accurate — though in a completely generalized way — I was extremely baffled and disappointed when I read a few entries that besmirched the good name of Colts Neck by providing false information that applies more accurately to nearby towns or areas. Therefore, I would like to set a few things straight about Colts Neck (which is part of the boonies of New Jersey, which I bet you didn’t even know existed).

As is the case in a lot of small towns, kids in Colts Neck often complain that there is absolutely nothing to do where they live and that they would rather be in a more lively, less boring place. But unlike a lot of other small towns, the complaints of the kids in Colts Neck are completely justified. There is actually a law that prohibits commercial businesses and chain restaurants, so the closest mall or movie theater is a town away; this wouldn’t seem that far, but most of Colts Neck is covered in acres of land and horse farms, so it takes at least twenty minutes to get anywhere considered desirable to a middle schooler.

Even college students from the surrounding area mock the strange policies and characteristics of Colts Neck. My friend who graduated from Georgetown last year used to give me rides home from Washington, D.C. because he lived a few towns away from me. Besides blasting Bruce Springsteen for the entire three-and-a-half-hour car ride until I was actually almost tired of his music, my friend usually contested entering Colts Neck on the basis that it was too difficult to navigate. He had a point, as street lamps, along with sidewalks, are also on the list of commodities excluded from the township plan.

Some of my other friends from a neighboring town were so amused by the very prominent “Turtles Crossing” road sign in Colts Neck that they stole it and presented it to me as a gift.

But the pros of Colts Neck by far outweigh the cons. As a huge fan of biking, I can attest to the fact that Colts Neck boasts redeeming qualities for hardcore cyclists; the hills are great for training, and the scenery of quaint horse farms is lovely. The houses are charming, too; one of my friends actually lives in an eerie, although stunningly beautiful, farmhouse that was built in the 1800s. Anyone who swears by Dunkin’ Donuts or Krispy Kreme has never been to Delicious Orchards; tourists and resident New Jerseyans alike drive for miles just to taste their apple cider donuts and homemade pies. A creek that runs through a large part of the town attracts fossil-hunting enthusiasts, and I have only recently begun to appreciate the vineyard that is within walking distance of my house.

It may sound as if I’m trying to create an advertisement for Colts Neck, but I’m trying merely to debunk some unwarranted myths and criticisms of the town — and of New Jersey in general. And if Colts Neck still doesn’t sound to you like a town that could actually exist, just look up “Monmouth County” on Urban Dictionary — I fully endorse the first entry, which canceled out the grudge that I was holding against the website for its negative portrayals of my beloved home. But I think it would be more helpful to all of us if someone created rural-suburbandictionary.com.

 Allie Doughty is a senior in the College. ROOTS FROM THE GARDEN appears every other Friday in the guide.

 

Leave a Comment
Donate to The Hoya

Your donation will support the student journalists of Georgetown University. Your contribution will allow us to purchase equipment and cover our annual website hosting costs.

More to Discover
Donate to The Hoya

Comments (0)

All The Hoya Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *