Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Incidences of Theft Steal More Than Possessions

Incidences of Theft Steal More Than Possessions

What Kind of Campus Do We Have When Even Underwear Is No Longer Sacred?

By Blake Roberts

We all know Georgetown faces many problems. Bigotry manifests itself on campus too often, the Medical Center loses money like a philosophy major in the stock market and Habitat for Humanity is responsible for building a new dorm on campus this summer. GUSA seems to be a powerless shell of a student government, we’re ranked lower than Notre Dame and Georgetown’s endowment hardly rivals that of Dirk Diggler.

But another problem faces this campus. This problem has festered in the dark halls of LXR and is only now being brought to the public’s eye. It’s a peek into Georgetown’s dark side, the part of the university that no one really likes to talk about. It’s a tale of fabric softener, Georgetown students and women’s underwear.

Our story begins one night last week. A College sophomore, Amanda Adams (all names have been changed to protect the innocent) decides to do laundry. Returning to retrieve her now clean clothes, she begins to fold. The closer she gets to being done, the more nervous she gets. When finished, panic sets in as she frantically tears through her hamper of clean clothes, searching for her favorite pair of thong panties. Yes, thong panties.

One week later, Amanda tells me about her experiences as I am struggling to write. “I feel violated,” she says. She goes on to explain that three pairs of cotton thong panties had been removed from the dryer. “Is this a common occurrence?” I ask. She says she’s not sure, but it did happen to one of her friends, and she also knows that it has happened to another girl on the floor.

I checked on Barbara Brown, the aforementioned girl, but she wasn’t there. So I start knocking on the doors of the floor. One room turns up dry, but the next yields Christine Connors. I explain my purpose, and begin questioning her. Her response speaks for itself: “I never really noticed, but at the end of this past semester I only had six pairs of panties, down from at least 12 at the start of the year.” “A 50 percent reduction in panty supply doesn’t happen by accident,” I thought. I thanked her for her help and returned to Barbara.

What I found with Barbara eliminates any possibility that these ladies have just misplaced their panties. An indignant Barbara told me that she had had at least 10pairs of panties stolen in the past year. Not just any panties, but “nice, fancy, expensive panties.” “Expensive?” I inquired. Barbara estimated the retail value of the stolen panties at over $100. This was no petty theft. Was she sure they were stolen? Absolutely, she remembers transferring them to the dryer, but they weren’t there when she emptied it. Plus, “socks are little too like my underwear, but I never lose my socks.”

I’m on my way out the door when she stops me. Her sad tale had one more twist, “All the panties that got stolen were thongs, I had even had five identical Ralph Lauren pairs stolen.” She continued, “And in the same loads, I had plenty of other sexy panties, but they weren’t touched. Only the thongs were stolen.”

I thank her for her information and go back to check my other sources. Turns out, Amanda’s non-thong underwear hadn’t been touched, and Christine’s missing underwear included some thongs. I tried to talk to some friends in other dorms, and none of them reported the problem. I knocked on some doors of people I kind of knew in LXR, and while I got some weird looks I didn’t hear any more reports of missing underwear. But then again, all of the girls who hadn’t had any underwear stolen told me they didn’t have any thongs.

Two questions arise at this point: Why am I telling you this, and why is this information being published? Well I have to say, I can’t think of a single bigger problem for Georgetown than if girls aren’t able to wash and wear the underwear of their choice. What’s next? What more fundamental rights do we have than choose our own undergarments as we see fit? Our founding fathers wore stockings; would the thong bandit have stolen them too? There is a strong possibility that this problem is widespread. More likely than not, most panty thefts go unreported. Security cameras in the laundry room aren’t the answer; we need to foster an environment that encourages women to speak up when their thongs are missing.

On a serious note, we really need to make sure that the female students of this campus feel safe. A resident of my floor told me that she is afraid to take a shower after the peeping Tom incidents this year. And whoever is stealing underwear from laundry is pretty sick. So guys, if you happen to be in the laundry room by yourself and think it would be funny or arousing to steal some thong underwear, don’t. Because when you think about it, stealing underwear out of the laundry is just wrong – but thanks for giving me something to write about.

Blake Roberts is a sophomore in the College.

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