So that’s what I’ve been doing wrong! All this time, I’ve been bringing my mordant wit along for the ride. In response to “Rules Teach Ladies Tricks to Winning Love,” [Nov. 15, 2002, The Hoya, p.6G] I’m proud to announce that I am not a “Rules Girl.” Though quite familiar with the concept of “The Rules” and their guidelines for courtship and love, I apparently haven’t been quite zealous enough in putting them into practice. And, although I have not been inducted into the sorority that is life as a “Rules Girl,” I am happy, busy, confident and content with the perpetual aspiration for that which is better than being content.

Somehow, the author is convinced that “using what makes men desire women” is not the equivalent of “scamming some guy into liking you.” Are you just looking to get some action, or as Ms. Julieanne Smolinski suggested are you hoping to “land a Kennedy?”

In response to .

Rule 1) Be mysterious.

What exactly defines mysterious? If you aren’t mysterious, should you wear short skirts and heels and seem aloof just so that men will perceive you as such?

Rule 2) Be happy.

Nobody likes a whiner, I’ll concede to that. However, I’ll flatter myself by saying that people like me more for my directness than for my ability to put on a perpetual smile to avoid upsetting anyone with reality.

Rule 3) Don’t ask a guy out.

Yeah, and don’t speak unless spoken to either.

Rule 4) Don’t pay.

Hell, if he doesn’t pay then why am I putting out? No, really, I do like romance, and I do like to be treated like a lady, but if your motivation for everything you do or don’t do is derived from your perceived chances with men, well, I just feel sorry for you.

Rule 5) Don’t get involved too quickly.

Nobody likes a girl who acts from her heart instead of from a stupid rulebook.

Rule 6) Get (and keep) a life.

Yeah, if you don’t have a life for your own sake, then, sweet Jesus, get one so that you can seem cool to the guy you want to want you.

Rule 7) Don’t do things you’ll regret.

Once again, if you don’t abstain from being easy for your own sake, then, sweet Jesus, abstain from being easy so that you can seem cool to the guy you want to want you.

Rule 8) Don’t call him.

“Yeah, and don’t go thinking for yourself there either, Laney.” Don’t call him because apparently doing so would make you appear unoccupied and worse yet, unpopular. I hate when people find out that I lost the election for Homecoming Queen!

Rule 9) Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.

I really have trouble seeing this as the same thing as a booty call. And you know what? If that’s what you want, go ahead and call him at 2 a.m. on a Friday night. Believe it or not, girls have libidos too.

Rule 10) Don’t talk too much.

“Tone it down a notch. At least until you get the `I love you’ or he gets drunk, whichever comes first.” What? You certainly don’t want him to see the real you unless he’s already made a verbal commitment or he’s too drunk to tell the difference.

Rule 11) Don’t stalk.

If you need a rulebook to tell you that stalking someone isn’t the best way to his heart, or down his pants, then an encyclopedia of “Rules” isn’t going to help you.

Carlie Danielson is a senior in the College.

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