Finding the Value in Taking it Slow
Published: Thursday, February 14, 2013
Updated: Friday, February 15, 2013 13:02
The average gay man has sex with eight different men each year, according to an oft-quoted 2003 Dutch study.
I consider myself a gay man, and I can count the number of men I’ve had sex with on half of one hand — round the decimal down.
Although a lot of gay men will deny it, there is certainly a stigma against those who choose to wait before going “all the way.” Call me traditional, but I was raised to believe that sex is something sacred and special to be shared between two people who love each other. Cue the “awws.”
I’ve never been in love, but I am not a virgin, so I can’t say that I only wait for love. However, I could certainly say that I have had sex in the past so I wouldn’t be perceived as “a prude.” Sure, this is an immature rationale, but there’s something else that holds me back.
The truth is that I love myself — a lot. I’m a [expletive] catch. If a guy wants to have sex with me, then he better be worth it. The Facebook messages at 3 a.m. are flattering, the ass-grabbing at the bar is kind of a compliment — and please, do proceed to buy me drinks; I hate spending money on alcohol. Also, we all love a good ego boost. Not to mention that I’ll make out with anything — man, woman, cheeseburger — after a couple beers. You’re talking to the epitome of a “two-beer queer” here.
I’m all for people being sexually liberated. It’s completely OK if one prefers to have protected sex frequently with consenting adults. Life is short, and if that’s what makes you happy, then get some. Your body, your rules.
But let’s go back a paragraph or two. I had sex with a man for the first time when I was 18 years old, and I do not regret it. He was a good guy — not to mention a really cute college senior while I was an awkward freshman — and he respected me. I have no regrets there. But like we all do in life, I learned from my past (notice I didn’t say “mistakes,” which people also learn from), and I take it forward with me.
I go out on the weekends, get drunk and hook up with guys — and Facebook-stalk the hell out of that cute junior who works for The Corp — but I just like to wait a while before “banging,” as the kids say nowadays.