Warning to my male readers: I will use the words “period”, “menstruation” and similar terms three to five times in this article. (That’s what I’m aiming for, at least.)
This past week, I had my heart broken by a television show. Many of you may be familiar with the witty Fox sitcom “New Girl,” starring that blue-eyed gal, Zooey Deschanel. Deschanel plays Jess, a young school teacher who, after discovering her live-in boyfriend has cheated on her, must move in with three single men — all of them at varying levels of comedic dysfunction. The status of this most recent episode is that Jess has been let go from her teaching position due to cutbacks.

I’ve been a regular follower of this show since being introduced to it this past spring. Last week, however, I found myself deeply disappointed and ever-so-slightly peeved by the turn of events. Maybe it’s just that I’ve become old and cranky, or perhaps it’s finally taken this long for college to open up my mind, but I’ve become increasingly critical of the mindless television I once guiltlessly enjoyed (except for those Kardashians — I can’t get enough). In this particular episode, Jess is looking to apply to a job teaching young adults. The episode begins, however, with Jess confessing to her male roommates that she is PMSing (ew). This scene is humorously crafted with Jess confessing that she “wants to cry and punch someone but also wants a soft pretzel.” Psh, women… am I right?!
When it comes time for her interview, her period seems to get in the way. The interview begins on a positive note, and Jess and the female interviewer are getting along great. All is going well until the interviewer shows Jess a picture of her dog. Being emotionally volatile and frail as all women are while menstruating (insert eye roll here), Jess begins to tear up. Through her tears, she manages to ask how the dog was able to fit inside the large teacup shown in the picture. At first, it is the mere size of the dog that makes Jess emotional. The interviewer then refers to the dog in the past tense, revealing to Jess that the little pup is no longer alive. Expectedly, she loses all control of her emotions. As a result of this outburst, Jess does not get the job.

Let’s take a minute to review.  Fox: are you telling me Jess does not receive employment because she is menstruating? The menstrual cycle of a female is so debilitating that it often makes us unfit for the working world? Post-grad life is going to be tougher than I thought; I’m really going to have to schedule interviews strategically.

The episode proceeds with Jess continuing in a downward spiral of emotions due to her paralyzing womanhood that apparently no one has taught her how to deal with yet. This continues until one of her male roommates takes Jess to a spa and talks her down from the metaphorical cliff that is the female menstrual cycle. It isn’t until then that Jess brings herself together, returns to that same interviewing office and finally gets the job. So what I can take away from this totally accurate depiction of women in the workplace is that if I truly want to be successful in life, I should make sure to always be living with men so that there is someone around at all times to talk me down from my hysteria.

Here’s how it really works, gentlemen. We know about hormones. We know they are curses cast on our bodies once a month to make us think that everyone hates us, that our significant other will surely leave us (and/or that we will be alone forever) and that we gained 10 pounds over night. But despite common belief, our brains do not implode into irrational mush. We know about this dark magic and how to defend ourselves against it. And heck, I’d really appreciate it if television and media could quit making us ladies look all helpless and loony. I’d really like a job one day, no matter what time of the month it happens to be.

Meagan Kelly is a senior in the College. This is the final appearance of RING BY SPRING this semester.

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