Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Georgetown University’s Newspaper of Record since 1920

The Hoya

Romance Rewards in the Pursuit of Language Fluency

My great aunt once told me that she only learned French because she had a Parisian lover. I was 11 at the time and therefore considered this information both slightly disturbing and completely irrelevant to myself and my life experience. However, I think I may be beginning to understand what she was trying to say.

For the past few weeks I’ve been spending time with a funny, sweet Brazilian and I’ve probably learned more from him than I have from any of my professors. I’m not going to talk about feelings or specifics or the cliches of international romance — I’m going to talk about the facts. Speaking from personal experience, I now contend that dating a local should be an integral part of any immersion experience.

I’ll start with the most obvious benefit — access to a free language tutor. On the first day of my program, I tested into the upper intermediate level language class and though I could understand the teacher pretty well and knew what was expected of me in all of my assignments, I still felt as if I was one of the weaker students in the group. Fast forward to today, when I just took the oral portion of my final exam and was able to speak with complete fluidity and confidence, if not complete grammatical accuracy. This is a nod to my Brazilian companion and not to my own studiousness, and as a result, I am now one of the better speakers in the class.

It’s impossible not to improve when you spend hours talking with someone who knows the language, who will be patient with you and who won’t be afraid to teasingly correct your mistakes or tell you to “pare de falar espanhol, querida.” (“Stop speaking Spanish, dear.”) What’s more, learning from a native speaker my own age has helped me to acquire a lot more than just formal register. My arsenal of slang and swear words has increased exponentially since I’ve started spending more time with him and my other Brazilian friends. There are just so many everyday expressions that we don’t learn in class. And, just because they’re vulgar doesn’t mean that they can’t be extremely useful.

Another obvious benefit of dating someone who knows the area is that I have a willing and knowledgeable tour guide. I’m not talking about having someone to take my picture in front of Christ the Redeemer. I’m talking about having someone who knows about cool places not found in my guide book, who takes me to local bars and beautiful beaches barren of tourists, all the while casually pointing out and describing other points of interest along the way.

Apart from language and locations, he’s also helping me to learn more about the culture. He’s taught me a lot about different types of popular music, food, drink and dress. There’s far more to Brazil than the stereotypical soccer, samba and Carnival — although it’s still awesome to have someone who will take me to a game at the Maracanã, loan me a jersey and teach me the fan hymns.

Beyond all of the more practical linguistic and societal know-how, dating someone from another country teaches you a lot about interpersonal interactions, especially when it comes to courtship. You get to see what’s the same. For example, asking for a number, the first date paycheck dance and the “what are we” talk all seem to need no translation.

You also get to see what’s different. In my experience, which I have confirmed by talking to other American girls who have dated Brazilian guys and with a few Brazilian guys themselves, men here are generally more confident, direct and physically affectionate than the majority of their American counterparts. I explained to my friends that this combination means that in Brazil, there are so much less of the “games” we’re used to playing in American courtship — waiting a certain amount of time to text back, trying not to show too much interest, and the like. The two carioca men in the room laughed. “With Brazilian guys, you’re right. But then we suffer because it’s the Brazilian girls who know they can play with our heads.” Pity for them, but for me, it means I always know if a Brazilian guy is interested or not, without having to worry about playing hard-to-get or coming on too strong.

Finally, the experience of dating someone abroad has taught me more about time constraints and living in the moment. Tomorrow I’m getting on a plane and I don’t know when we’ll be in the same country again. It’s not a dramatic end to a romantic movie — it’s simply another fact of the situation. He travels a lot too and when I explained once that I felt like all of my relationships in the foreseeable future have datas de vencimento (expiration dates), he nodded and responded with, “This life has a negative side too.”

Goodbyes are hard. But they are certainly not a reason to avoid everything great that precedes them. In summary, date someone when you go abroad. In an incredibly short time, you will learn more than you ever thought possible about the country, the customs and the culture. You’ll learn about yourself. You’ll learn about the other person. You’ll learn about being human. And everyone will compliment your now-much-improved Portuguese.

Allison Hillsbery is a rising sophomore in the McDonough School of Business. Ready for Rio appears every other Monday at thehoya.com.

View Comments (1)
More to Discover

Comments (1)

All The Hoya Picks Reader Picks Sort: Newest

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • G

    Georgetown StudentMar 3, 2015 at 4:27 pm

    Wow, wonderful article! Very thoughtful and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your experiences in Brazil, Ms. Hillsbery! And I wish you the best of luck in your study of Portuguese and romantic pursuits.

    Reply