Senior year: the last hurrah of the college experience, the time to enjoy one last year with those friends you’ve called family for the past three and, of course, the time to figure out what you’re going to do with your life — or, in my case, at least start thinking about it.

I have at last returned from the most incredible six months in Istanbul, Turkey. Yes, that’s right, adoring friends, fans and family. That cheesing mug you see near the byline of this column is none other than your favorite grandma from THE “Grandma Goes to Turkey,” last semester’s critically acclaimed travel column.

Why isn’t this year’s column called “Grandma Continues to Go to College”? Well, because seriously … who wants to see their grandma in college? It just doesn’t have the same exoticism.

Also, Turkey changed me. I went to an Avicii concert while I was there and wore glow-in-the-dark ears on my head. So yeah. I feel young again.

This year, I’m getting real, dealing with the hard-hitting issue affecting us all: our imminent unemployment. “But Grandma … I mean, Meagan” — I know. It’s going to take some getting used to — “what is this ‘Ring by Spring’ business all about?” asked all of you, I’m sure.

Well, first of all, thank you for the constructive dialogue. The term “ring by spring” is often thrown around schools (generally in the South and in predominantly Christian universities) by young ladies and men who live, breathe and cry over the dream of being proposed to by spring of senior year so they can assume their domestic duties promptly after graduation.

Now, I know what you’re all thinking. “Meagan, are you even dating anyone?” To you, I say … shut your mouth. You don’t know my life. But more so than that, you think I don’t seem to be the “domestic” type.

Yes, I know. The only thing “made” about my bed is the veggie quesadilla sitting on it.

So what I’m looking to do with this column is take my loyal readers on my journey to independent womanhood. (The male/female demographic of my readership just shifted drastically.) By the time I leave campus and the cooperative neighborhood community of Georgetown (lolz), I hope to be a gainfully employed, self-sufficient, respected female in the working world.

A number of things can be added to that list of aspirations but are not necessarily required. These include having Tina Fey casually stumble across my column and decide I’m the missing link in the “30 Rock” writing staff (not that there’s anything missing, Tina), owning a dog, finding an affordable yet chic apartment in either Brooklyn, San Francisco or Adams Morgan and courting a gentleman who resembles Adam Brody, has the same passionate hatred for country music as mine and shares my free-thinking liberal ideologies (Republicans need not apply).

The reality of the situation is that there are a lot of questions that face a woman upon her graduation from college and entrance into the “real world.” First: Is the “real world” actually like “The Real World” on MTV? Because if so, I decided I’m going to be the uptight one who gets upset with all the “funny business” going on in the hot tub in the living room.

But actually, women need to make a lot of big decisions at a young age. We have science working against us, that damn “biological clock,” not to mention that our brains are smaller than men’s.

Oh wait … I forgot. That’s complete bull. But still, we have to ask ourselves questions earlier than most men would. Do I ever want to be married? Would I move if Adam Brody asked me to? Should I put my career first or his? Which outfit for my job interview would attract the most attention to my intelligence?
These things actually inform the short-term decisions I’ll be making come springtime. And that, my friends, is a frightening thought. I am a soon-to-be-21-year-old woman who doesn’t have any of the answers to these questions. Except for the Adam Brody one. That’s a no-brainer.

Meagan Kelly is a senior in the College. RING BY SPRING appears every other Friday in the guide.

Have a reaction to this article? Write a letter to the editor.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *