Sex and dating is a process of trial and error, and ladies, sometimes you’ll find a stud, and sometimes you’ll meet a dud. But it doesn’t always have to be this way. Armed with the collective pool of knowledge gleaned from each other’s experiences, perhaps we can have the insight to spot an impending error before we hold the trial.

So, on a mission to gather all the tricks girls use to predict whether they might be sexually compatible with a guy, I called every girl in my phonebook to ask them how they determine whether a guy will be good in bed before sleeping with him. Some of the answers were ludicrous, some were salient and some were echoed by many girls throughout the course of the process. I included all three.

So girls, read up and hone your skills of elimination, and boys, take notes before your next date.

1. His Hands:

Some girls like rough hands because it signifies their owner “is not afraid of doing a bit of hard work,” while others dislike rough hands for the same reason they don’t like stubbly chins — it irritates their delicate skin. But rough or soft, most girls would agree that trimmed, clean fingernails are an absolute must, and grimy fingers are not going anywhere near their bodies.

2. His Parking Skills

One night, I was parking in downtown D.C. with my best friend sitting in the passenger seat. After a couple lame attempts to position the car somewhat close to the curb, she smirked and said, “If you were a guy, you’d make a lousy lay.”

I didn’t get it.

“Because you’re a horrible parallel parker,” she explained.

She continued to explain that a car is kind of an extension of a guy’s member: They use it to get around and are apt to compare theirs to other guys.’ With this said, the skill with which they maneuver their automotive “wangs” says much about how they work their real ones. I was skeptical, so she substantiated her claim with real-life experience.

“One time, I was with this guy who was trying to park, and he literally had to go in and pull out numerous times before he got it in. It was like that scene in Austin Powers when he does that 100-point turn, and I just sat there and thought, ‘Oh no; he’s going to try to bang my bellybutton.’”

“Ha. Did he?”

“No. He slipped out and re-aimed too far south, not north. It hurt like hell.”

We both cringed at the thought. And from that point on, I made a mental note to stay away from bad parkers.

3. His General Attention to Detail:

Crisp collared shirts, dryer-fresh tees and clean, shiny shoes all suggest that a guy takes care of himself and has good hygiene. Translation: His room is a place you won’t mind spending time in, because if his t-shirts smell like laundry, it’s more likely that his bedsheets will too.

4. The Way He Hugs

Girls love it when you pick them off the ground a little when you hug them — because it hints toward the possibility of experimenting with versatile positions in bed. If you can pick them up off the ground with ease, they can be confident that you can toss them around in the sack.

5. The Size of His Ego

Guys are always talking about how girls are queens of “false advertising”; as some of them use make up, padded bras and flattering clothes to appear more attractive than they actually are. The male equivalent of this is a big ego, as guys who have them often use them to shield their insecurities and compensate for a deficiency elsewhere. Let’s put it this way: A grandiose ego is like a Wonderbra — the bigger it is, the less they’ve actually got underneath.

6. His Listening Skills

Imagine someone who’s picking a lock. They’ll usually press their ears against it and listen closely for signs that they’re hitting the right numbers. They get the first number. The lock clicks ever so quietly. Then, they fiddle around with the dial for the second. Click. And after the third number, voila. It opens.

In bed, girls are like locks and guys are the lock-pickers. We each have a unique combination, and if you hit all the right points, we’ll “o”-pen. But this requires that the guy is remarkably perceptive.

Just as lock-pickers listen closely for this telltale “click,” guys who are good between the sheets are great listeners out of bed. If he fails to remember which state you’re from or which restaurant on M is your favorite, he will not be attentive enough to notice that your back arches when he touches you in a particular spot or that your breathing gets heavier when he kisses the base of your neck.

7. His Eating Habits

Picky eaters are wont to take their snobby palates to bed. Enough said.

8. His Rhythm

A song called “Vertical Expressions” by the Bellamy Brothers has a line that claims dancing is “a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.” So it comes as no surprise that girls often gauge a guy’s potential in bed by how well he dances. So to all you guys who are still doing the “Running Man,” on the dance floor, please stop. We don’t want you to be so quick. And if you can’t dance to save your life, don’t fret. A senior in the College told me that “a good dancer or musician usually means he has rhythm in bed too!” Hear that? Musicians are just as hot. Especially drummers.

9. The Way He Kisses

The amount of force they use is usually a sign of how aggressive they’ll be during the act. And a lot can be said for guys who make good use of their tongues at first base. It’s like a tryout to determine how they’ll do at third.

10. Whether You Love Him

Nearly every girl agreed that the best sex they’ve ever had was with someone they loved, regardless of whether they’re terrible dancers or their hands are the wrong texture. I suppose love renders numbers one through nine frivolous and arbitrary. That’s cute.

Jane Yu is a senior in the College. She can be reached at yu@thehoya.com. Between the Sheets appears every other Friday in The Guide.