TO: Jenny, Linn, Buddha and Joker (a.k.a. ’90s Swedish pop sensation Ace of Base)

FROM: Erin Delmore, U.S. citizen, ardent fan, owner of no less than three AoB cassette tapes and one limited edition VHS

RE: Cashing in on nostalgia

Hear me loud and clear, Ace of Base: “Den Krydda Flikarna har kastat ned den mager.*”

“The Spice Girls have thrown down the gauntlet.”

The Brit-pop divas’ world tour, which hit the Verizon Center at the end of February, has set the gold standard for reunion tours of our generation in a flashy showcase of girl-power-gone-grown-up. After dousing myself in body glitter and singing along to every minute of the group’s exuberant two-plus hour campaign to “spice up” the lives of the District’s youths, I felt like I had seen it all. Should I have succumbed to fatal frostbite while battling the pleather- and platform-clad crowd for a cab post-show on that frigid night, I believe I would have died a happy girl. Nearly. For in the back of my mind, I yearned to hear the decade-old reverberation of a far- superior musical ensemble.

Imagine my delight when a whimsical Google search propelled what was a mere delusion of my wildest dreams into the realm of reality: The official AoB website confirmed the existence of a reunion tour!** And why shouldn’t the greatest Swedish musical act since ABBA reclaim the stage? If five British women who aren’t even friends can summon up the gumption to don coordinated neon pantsuits in the name of a “reunion” (or multimillion dollar enterprise, call it what you will), then I think you, Ace of Base, can get off your industrial-chic Ikea sofas, meet for a plate of meatballs and hammer out the details for the 2009 North America tour.

The question is: Can I contain my excitement until then? I have half a mind to hop a flight to Minsk next month or meet you in Slovakia in May! You are, as of yet, my only proof that there is life after college. I find myself mentally recalling July’s Asia tour schedule when prospective employers confront me with start dates. (Consequently, any job offers you would like to pass along would be appreciated.)

On that note, are you seeking a replacement for singer Linn, who officially announced her retirement? I’d look mildly disconcerting as a blonde, but I won’t rule it out. You see, AoB, if I’ve learned anything from the Spice Girls spectacle, it is this: Reunions are profitable. The generation that spent their allowance on your singles in 1993 is now old enough to have disposable income but not old enough to have dependants. It’s an economic phenomenon; the new cash cow of the music industry. Will I pay 10 cents a page to print off my class readings? Not if I can help it. But will I shell out hundreds of bucks for pure, unfiltered nostalgia? YES!

When your fur-lined tour bus hits the North American continent, why not open with the 1992 debut hit single and newly remixed “Wheel of Fortune?” Visionary lyrics like, “My love is my engine and you might be fuel,” are too good to go unnoticed (and would do very well on a Valentine’s Day card). And may I suggest employing fellow national icon Robyn (“Show Me Love,” “Do You Know (What it Takes)”) as the opening act?

Only a line-up like that could rival the Spice Girls, who belted out saucy ballads like “2 Become 1” alongside the family values-driven “Mama” (and watch three-year-old Cruz Beckham break-dance to the tune on stage at Madison Square Garden on YouTube). AoB, with sister-sister-brother team Jenny, former band mate Linn and Jonas “Joker” Berggren, is already a family act. And the innovative five remix albums due in September 2008 (with a different album of the five released on each continent featuring only DJs from that continent) will surely trump the Spice Girls 2007 CD, which is nothing more than a glossy combination of the group’s most popular two albums.

So rise up, Ace of Base. Accept the challenge the Spice Girls have presented to you and ’90s pop sensations worldwide (and spread the word to Brandy & Monica, The Cardigans and “Saved by the Bell’s” Elizabeth Berkley, whose rendition of “I’m So Excited” will be etched into our minds forever). Ace of Base, now is your time: Get into the spotlight where you belong.

*Translated by www.translation-guide.com. Swedish may be unreliable.

**A note to the cynical (but loyal, dedicated and good-looking!) Hoya reader: You may think I’m kidding, but I wouldn’t toy with your heart like that.

Erin Delmore is a senior in the College. She can be reached at delmore@thehoya.com. The Rules of 8-track-tion appears every other Friday in The Guide.