By Marshall Van Valen

All of the post-impeachment buzz around Capitol Hill has been about Hillary and her possible bid for a New York Senate seat. I, for one, do not want to see her and her swarthy husband move into our lovely state. Well, the state is not that lovely, but we do not need it to get any worse. There are enough losers, criminals and incompetent people in the Empire State already.

Clinton officially announced that he and his wife were contemplating a move to New York when Bubba is finally removed from the White House in January 2001. If this is a sign of things to come, I am pretty sure that the Armageddon will be coming shortly after the new millennium. We should have foreseen that it would be a problem to have a couple of hillbillies from Arkansas taking over the nation’s capital.

We must stop their movement before they take over the cultural capital of our nation. If we cannot keep the Presidential couple out of New York, who knows what beloved city will be ruined next?

I must ask: do we really want someone like Hillary to represent the state of New York? Let us examine her character to see if she represents a true New Yorker. Throughout the impeachment trial, Hillary stood by her man, although he admitted to having had sex performed on him. (For we all know that sex is a one way street – Monica performed oral sex on him, but he had nothing to do with it.) If Hillary were a true New Yorker, she would have chosen one of two options: kill him or get a divorce and take every cent he owns. Hillary chose to support her loving husband in order to keep up the sham political marriage that they have had for years.

What reason could they have for coming to New York? What ties do they have to New York? They lived in Arkansas and then in D.C. The only reason they would move to New York is the opening of the Senate seat of Daniel Patrick Moynihan (D – N.Y.). How hard could it be to take the seat of one of the most highly respected and intelligent Senators? Unfortunately, Hillary does not come from New York and does not seem to have any ideas on issues that are important to the state. I see it as highly unlikely that she will triumph until she is able to free herself from her husband’s shadow.

Trouble for Hillary may be brewing because of the possibilities of Rudy Guiliani or former Senator Alfonse D’Amato running for that seat. Both D’Amato and Guiliani are New York politicians and have had years of experience in New York politics. You have to be something special to beat them. Would she be able to survive a mud slinging battle between either one of these veteran politicians? Hillary is only a veteran politician’s wife and maybe she should stay that way. There is no apparent reason for her to come to New York, let alone now.

My suggestion to Hillary is twofold. First, if she decides to run for the Senate in New York, she needs to divorce the sweet-talking hillbilly. However, I suggest that she should not bite off more than she can chew, considering the fact that she has nothing substantial going for her. When it comes down to the actual campaign, she will not be able to cut it. As of now she has no New York related issues, while all of her possible competitors do. Hillary, I beg you to listen to the voice of reason, stay at home and write some more books like “It Takes a Village.” You were not cut out to be a politico, and the “Bridge to the 21st Century” does not lead to New York.

Marshall Van Valen is a freshman in the School of Foreign Service.

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