Who is Jack DeGioia?

How do you pronounce Jack DeGioia? Are we talking a hard G or a soft G?

Where does he come from? What does he stand for? Am I even spelling his name correctly?

Before I get too much further, it’s important to note here that I’m a reasonably well informed student. I read several campus publications and occasionally I read E-mails sent to me from some guy named Tabotu Lemlem (who IS Tabotu?!), so I feel as though I should have some sort of an idea of what’s going on around here.

However, that being said, the next president of Georgetown University will be inaugurated next weekend, and I don’t know the first thing about him. Well, that’s not true. I know he’s not a Jesuit. Big deal, neither am I. That doesn’t seem like an accomplishment to me. Was he born in a log cabin? Used to wrassle grizzly bars with his bare hands? Does he spend his weekends feeding the poor? Is he a fighter or a lover? I want to know. Maybe he could be involved in some shady land deals in Arkansas. I don’t want to go through that again. So far the only thing I know about him is that The Academy had some nice things to say about him (shudder) and that’s not very encouraging.

Outside of a few selected student leaders on campus, I don’t even know any students who have met the mysterious Jack DeGioia. I wonder how many of us could even pick him out of a crowd. I envision a line of children’s books where our president, bedecked in a red and white horizontally striped shirt, finds himself in all types of wacky situations, filled with other colorful characters. I’d buy that book, wouldn’t you?

I didn’t vote for Jack DeGioia. You didn’t vote for Jack DeGioia. The choice was made in a smoky back room by our distinguished board of directors, for all we know as a favor in exchange for a large sum of Disney stock. This cabalistic way of choosing our President is undemocratic and un-American! I demand the appointment of a special prosecutor!

One of Father O’Donovan’s traditions was to have spaghetti dinner at the homes of graduating seniors. This was a good idea, especially for students not involved in campus activities. Your $136,000 check should at least get you one dinner with the boss. Will this tradition continue? Does Jack DeGioia even like spaghetti? The truth is, we don’t know.

The inauguration is next weekend. I intend to go. There are only a few hundred tickets available for Georgetown students, so if you’re interested in going you’ll have to get in line early. The ceremony is at Daughters of the American Revolution Constitution Hall, which is a good improvement from McDonough Gymnasium. It would be nice to actually hear what Jack is saying. Those of you who saw the Roots last week understand what I’m saying.

So, I’m going to the inauguration to see if my concerns are addressed. I don’t want to hear about fundraising and zoning issues. Yawn. My concerns are for the everystudent. For us and for those of us who will follow in our footsteps. Here are my top priorities:

1. Yates: What the hell is going on there? No air conditioning and no ventilation + hundreds of sweaty students = bacteria. I’m no doctor, but I can tell there’s something inherently unhealthful about spending an hour in Yates Memorial Sauna, er, Fieldhouse. For $100 a semester (no arguing, please), let’s see some improvement.

2. Marriott University: Who runs this place, anyway? I would like to see President Jack stand up tall and tell the world that he intends to be in charge. Not Marriott, not MedStar, not MBNA. How’s this for a closing line to your inaugural, Jack? “Georgetown will never sell out, not on my watch! I’m bringing Georgetown back to the students . God bless America!” A little dramatic, but the point should be made.

3. Village A and Village C: Okay, so maybe this doesn’t affect us directly, but come on, guys? A and C? Is this the best we can do on names? It’s embarrassing. I can’t stand talking about these megaconglomerate corporation names for sports arenas, but at least they mean something. What does A mean? Don’t we have anybody we can name these things after? My recommendation: Village A becomes the Allen Iverson Apartment Complex and Village C can be the President William J. Clinton Dormitory/All Night Fried Chicken Shack.

So, what’s it gonna be, Jack? Are you going to be there for us, the students? Are we going to get to see the real Jack DeGioia next weekend? The crusader, the reformer, the leader our board of directors chose for us? I certainly hope so. I’ll be there in Constitution Hall waiting to find out. Just do me a favor . if you’re sitting next to me, could you please point him out when he comes into the room?

Bald Faced Truths appears every other Friday in The Hoya. The author can be reached at baldthehoya.com

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